Won’t you be My Gaybor?

Today I was driving to a local salon. Don’t get any ideas folks, Mother’s Day is around the corner, I was picking a gift card up for the Moms. On my way there I was in a lane that was merging. I was at least 20 feet in front of Twat in a Jetta. Thinking I did nothing wrong (which I didn’t) I continued on. The street turned into two lanes again and the next thing I know Twat in a Jetta (and on a cell phone) is asking me to roll down my window. I proceeded of course thinking maybe this broad wants to chat it up with me. I was wrong she started bitching at me for cutting me off.

Stunned by the turn of the events I politely extended my middle finger and told her to fuck off. Literally 5 minutes later I’m trying to park and those nothing available in my own goddamn town I pay taxes in, and Bitch in a Minivan almost blows into me and then looks at me like I did something wrong. I again give this bitch the one-fingered salute and then continued on to the parking spot she wanted.

All of this reminded me of how un-neighborly people have become. Earlier this week I took my sister to Jumba. As I pulled out of the driveway, I noticed my neighbor a few house playing ball in the street with his kids. I gave him a wave and did not receive one back. I figured nothing of thinking maybe there was a glare and he did not see me. 15 minutes later I roll around the corner and decided to give him another try. This time at least his little kids return the wave but none from their daddy. With the windows rolled down, I looked at my sister and said “Great fucking neighbors we have here”. I took gulp of Jumba and pulled into my driveway.

All of this made me think a lot of people have become real fucking assholes to the people around. That people have become so uptight and protective they refuse to even acknowledge the people they lived next for years. That in fact the people in my town or were ever I go, rarely respond to a gentle “hello”. These people are no longer neighbors, they are Gaybors.

Most of this has to do with media. For example, the recent outbreak of Swine flu has forced my gradparents to isolation in their home. I couldn’t even have beer with my Grandpa without him running the can under hot water for 3 minutes. Of course that was after he shook my hand with rubber gloves. Ironically at 73, he is far more likely to sick from regular flu then eating under-cooked Al Pastor in Mexico City.

The media has scared us into remission. And we see it every day. No more porches in the front yard, girls carry tasers in their purses, and your fucking neighbors will not even acknowledge a simple hello.
So I tried to figure out why. Why are people Gaybors? Is it something I’ve done?

Was it because drove 5 over the speed limit and listened to Bill Idol too loud at 2AM when you and your damn kids were sleeping? Because I hosted a Christmas party and served alcohol? Was it because when I was 15 I lit off a firecracker in MY garage? Was it when you were gone on vacation I got tired of your Gayborliness and pissed in your pool? Was it that time I brought 2 drunkass girls home and you saw me while mowing your lawn, and then bitched about my morals (which I don’t have) when you were just really jealous because your wife is a bitchy fat ass?

The reality is I have not done anything wrong. Just because you saw Dateline about the neighborhood high school kid plowing over your dumbass kids because they wondered into your street while listen to Jonas Homos on their iPods and did not see the truck coming, does not mean you should report me to the cops if I roll down my street to 5 over listen to Billy Idol. Either mind your own fucking business or do one better and say “Hi Drew, how you doing” Pull your head out of your ass, stop being Gaybors and start acting like we live in the same fucking town.

Here is how I feel if you are going to act like and asshole then expect to be treated like one. So I invite anyone who acts like a bag of douche, won’t you be my Gaybor?